What really makes us feel secure?

Having a good sense of self-awareness can allow us to ensure our true needs are met effectively.  It’s common for us to repeat dysfunctional behaviours to self soothe that can make little difference or make things worse.

Our sense of security can be a good example of this.  When we feel insecure, we may cover this by retail therapy, hoarding or by spending less or we can employ avoidance measures such as using alcohol and gambling.

For some, to feel more secure, they may seek to gather financial as money can be perceived as a (false) measure of status and success.  This seeking of external validation creates longer term vulnerability as promotes a never ending cycle that may never be satisfied.  Enough can never feel like it’s enough.

Seeking external validation from others, often indicates that we do not feel good enough.  Seeking validation, especially in terms of success and status brings limited gratification and it needs to be renewed regularly and often to growing degrees.  For example, the feeling of status from impressing others by having a new car wears off quickly and we need to buy the next new thing that’s better to remain ‘impressive’.

There are many other behaviours that indicate seeking external validation from overspending on clothes, presenting ourselves as being perfect or showing ourselves to be overly busy to articulate a sense of being important and needed.  Staying late in the office can become an organisational culture where it’s positively viewed if you’re dedicated and sending emails in the middle of the night.  This encourages us to give our time away too cheaply and can contribute to an unbalanced life.

Considering what truly makes us feel secure can be valuable to allow us ensure our needs are met healthily when we are feeling insecure.  Finding ways to reassure ourselves, gain reassurance from others, expressing ourselves or seeking love and affection are all methods of doing this.  An awareness of our behaviours that indicate we’re not feeling good can also become essential.  For example, if we notice we’re comfort eating or drinking more or if we’re isolating ourselves or seeking social media attention, we can look to engage in something that’s better for us.

As always, feel free to comment and question.



Personal Empowerment Therapy

t – 0121 580 8015 / m – 07891 601879



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